Gordon Brown is a tightfisted Scotsman, etc.

I have been busy trying to obtain the £1.7bn I need to build 8,000 more prison places, and the £44,000 per prisoner per year which amounts to another £352m a year. Gordon is being a real pain in the arse and has frozen the Home Office budget for 3 years. This will mean that I will have to make cuts in the budgets for the police, probation and immigration services. I have managed to get planning permission for a new prison on Merseyside, and meanwhile I will use two wings of Ashworth mental hospital to house 350 prisoners. I have not yet managed to get the planning permission for the new prison to be built next to Belmarsh to house all the muslim terrorists we will arrest as soon as it is built.

I have reached agreement with other EU countries to accept those foreign prisoners that we will be repatriating without their consent.

The way that things are going, I might have to turn Britain into one large penal colony.


10 Responses to Gordon Brown is a tightfisted Scotsman, etc.

  1. yucca says:

    what about invading ireland for that purpose?

  2. John Reid says:

    We have tried that before and it did not work. However, we are working closely with our American allies to invade Iran, where we believe that they have weapons of mass destruction buried under ground and if we just happen to find oil instead all the better.

  3. yucca says:

    but with all these WMDs and oil, there won’t be any room for jails… i mean, not even underground…

  4. John Reid says:

    There is plenty of room in Iran for jails. All that sand, it would be simple. Just pitch the tents, surround them with German Razor Wire, erect a few gun towers. Similar to the concentration camps used by one of my hero’s during the Second World War.

  5. yucca says:

    i see your reasoning now. the less illuminated would think that your “prisons on sand” plan would be flawed on grounds that it would be too easy to do “great escape” kind of activities with sand. but, clearly, if they escaped through the sand, they would either run into WMDs, and be blown off. or run into oil, and be converted to OUR cause. either way, the prison system would succed in its mission to redeem&punish

    you truly are a genius, Home Sec… and im sorry you have given up running against gordon… you would bury him in the sand!

  6. John Reid says:

    What I didn’t want to mention first time round because it would be an undercover operation is that land mines would be buried around the perimeter of the concentration camp.

    Not just a genius. Whenever I hear Allah is great, I think of myself.

    I haven’t given up the leadership battle with Gordon Brown, although he is using every dirty trick in the book to discredit me, I am merely keeping a low profile until I am ready to attack…

  7. yucca says:

    whenever the time to attack gordon comes, rest assured that i shall be by your side…

  8. Tudor says:

    Dear Dr Reid,

    I’m sorry if I suggested that your efforts were not receiving all the credit they deserve.

    Also the accusation of cross-dressing. I now realise my words could be wrongly interpreted. And so I’m sorry about that too.

    I expect you have already thouigh of this, but might I suggest that you could turn some of our Universities into more secure institutions?

    Yours apologetically etc…

  9. John Reid says:

    Your apology is accepted. I have your Tudor Laws of England on my bookshelf. I think it is worth reading it again as I remember that there were effective ways of obtaining confessions from traitors, and this might well work in questioning terrorists who claim only to be suspects. Also prisoners were squeezed into smaller spaces…Eureka! I could re-open the Tower of London to ease overcrowding…

  10. John Angliss says:

    The Tower of London is already overcrowded.

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