LabourHome lecture

As you are all aware, I am very shortly to be the next leader of the Labour Party and the next Prime Minister. I am quite looking forward to moving into Number Ten Downing Street. One of my first tasks will be to have the brickwork on the outside painted white. So we will have our very own Whitehouse back in merry old England, just like the one in our colony in America. Only this morning, I went to a pet shop and bought a white poodle whom I call George W. Bush, for no particular reason, other than it sounds quite statesman-like as befitting a replacement for the tired old British bulldog.

My pet theme is Security, Security, Security. And even more Security. I don’t think you can have enough Security. My tenure at the Home Office has taught me one thing, Security. I cannot expand on this at the present for Security reasons. Homeland Security must come first, second and last.

I am a firm believer in liberty, and to protect the liberty of the subject it is sometimes necessary to sacrifice the liberty of the subject for the liberty of all. This is what democracy entails. And because we live in a democracy, and cannot allow mob rule to exist it is sometimes necessary to sacrifice the liberty of the majority for the individual.

Because politics has all moved into the centre ground, and it has been said that there is nothing to choose between the three main political parties, when I assume office I will reform the Tory and LibDem parties so that there is one big happy Labour Party which allows for the left, right and centre of this centre ground.

There will be those who may murmur their dissent at what I am intending for this country. However, my goal is to put the Great back into Britain. Any dissenters should be treated like patients. They do not always like treatment. Nevertheless, I have a good bedside manner. Trust me, I am a Dr.

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