Being a professional, I am outraged at being called an amateur by a human rights lawyer!

I have suffered a blistering attack in the December issue of Inside Time – The National newspaper for prisoners, by Clive Stafford Smith, who is described as a human rights lawyer. What about my human rights not to feel offended? He attacks the Queen’s speech, which is not very patriotic, considering he is described as being British-born. Just aswell, because I would be very tempted to deport him had he been an alien. I might consider locking him up in the Bloody Tower for his treason! It is not true that the government’s programme is “choc-a-bloc with unwise ideas about criminal justice”. I know this, because I am one of the Three Wise Men in British politics today. This so-called human rights lawyer would be in the dole queue if it wasn’t for our government bringing in the Human Rights Act (1998). He claims that it is wrong for us to focus on victims rights, and accuses us of importing the idea from America. He forgets that if it was not for the American intervention in World War 2, he might be living under the jackboot today! Of course I am not in favour of criminals challenging their convictions by way of judicial review. They are guilty of being criminals. He is wrong to say that we are copying the Bush administration’s assault on Habeas Corpus. We followed their attack upon Iraq, but I have so far not been able to find the country of Habeas Corpus on any map, so it cannot exist. Clive Stafford Smith launched this attack upon me as he was delivering the annual Longford Lecture. That old paedophile who was the friend of Maria Hindley, who is he to lecture anybody? Clive Stafford Smith is mistaken to dismiss me as a dabbler without the experience to oversee the criminal justice system. I am a professional, and cannot be under qualified. Trust me, I am a doctor! I am not meant to be running the Home Office, I do run the Home Office. It is nonsense to say that I am really out there trying to get elected. I am already an elected MP. It is right that I have condemned my predecessors as being incompetent, Michael Howard was not fit for purpose. None of my staff are dysfunctional, they can all read and write. The obvious sign that I know what I am doing is that Tony Blair appointed me to office. None of my staff have complained to me that they are dispirited and that their morale is low because I have loyalty to the next election. I am looking forward to being Prime Minister.

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