Where ever I lay my hat is my Home Secretary

Terror Alert Level from Homeland Security

John Reid — Sat, 07 Apr 2007 22:16:17 +0000

Brown 2p down v Reid 2 missing terrorists down

John Reid — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 22:24:23 +0000

Nine UK citizens now under control orders

Press Association
Thursday March 22, 2007

Guardian Unlimited
The number of British citizens subject to control orders issued by the home secretary, John Reid, has risen to nine, it was announced today.

It means half the 18 orders currently in force – which place terror suspects under a loose form of house arrest – are against UK citizens. Last February, only one of the orders in force was against a Briton.

In a quarterly update to MPs, Mr Reid said two new orders had been made against British citizens, with one having been enforced on December 11 and the other on March 10.

The total number of orders is constantly in flux as they lapse or are replaced or varied.

Mr Reid also confirmed that a terror suspect who absconded last summer was now believed to be overseas.

It had previously been suggested that the man – an Iraqi who can only be identified by the initials LL – would be prepared to head to Iraq, where he could pose a threat to UK forces.

“I have been informed that the individual who absconded in August 2006 is currently believed to be abroad,” Mr Reid said. “The individual in question has been excluded from the UK.”

LL vanished from his address in the north of England last August after being charged with seven offences of breaching his control order. The order was then quashed by the court of appeal in separate legal proceedings, but LL was not handed a modified version before he disappeared.

Two other men subjected to control orders remain on the run.

A British national known as AD escaped from a mental health unit in south-west London at the end of September.

The 25-year-old, who was held in Pakistan for more than six months in 2005, has reportedly been questioned about alleged links to the July 7 London bombers.

Pakistani authorities are reported to have questioned AD about an alleged meeting in Pakistan with the Aldgate bomber, Shehzad Tanweer. He is also alleged to have been a friend of the British suicide bomber Asif Hanif, who blew himself up in Israel in 2003.

The allegations against him were reported in the New York Times in July 2005, but Pakistani officials rejected the claims.

The third international terrorist on the run – believed to be a 26-year-old Pakistani who lived in Manchester – absconded in January, days after being served with his control order.

He evaded police by taking sanctuary in a mosque and slipping out of a back entrance while officers negotiated with religious leaders. The man was reported to have said he wanted to undertake terror training in Afghanistan.

Mr Reid gave no update on the two other missing terrorists.

Perhaps I am notsaussure about this after all

John Reid — Tue, 06 Mar 2007 15:54:34 +0000

Hat-Tip to notsaussure for this little gem.

Plan to turn the former Oxford Prison, now a 3 star hotel back into a prison

John Reid — Tue, 06 Mar 2007 13:45:23 +0000

The Director General of the Prison Service, Will Feetly, last week attended the General Synod to give a talk to those banging their bishops. During his speech, he mentioned that anywhere could become a prison, even a 5 star hotel if it was surrounded by barbed wire. It gave me a flash of inspiration, although not quite 5 star luxury, the Home Office, relatively recently sold the former Oxford Prison which was turned by the buyer into a hotel, and I thought I would buy it back to ease the overcrowding problem in our prison estate.

I am aware that some members of the public already think that prisoners live in the luxury of hotel conditions, so this news will not come as quite a shock to them. However, it will not be just for any old riff raff. I was thinking that it would suit the likes of Lord Levy, Jonathan Powell and Ruth Turner, to keep them in the manner that they have become accustomed to outside of prison life. It would have been nice if a former Prime Minister could have cut the red tape before serving a sentence here, however, it has already been decided that Tony Blair will benefit from immunity from prosecution just like Richard Nixon. Unfortunately for Lord Archer and Jonathan Aitken such prison reform has come too late…

Fighting a war on all fronts

John Reid — Thu, 01 Mar 2007 15:57:31 +0000

I remember the Dictator General of the Prison Service, Will Feetly, telling me about the back stabbing from his Chief Officer, when he was Deputy Governor of Gartree Prison. And, that the militant Prison Officer’s Association, often posed a bigger problem for him than the prisoners. Similarly, I am having difficulties within the Home Office from civil servants who are being very uncivil towards me and my plans for a shake up. I am seriously considering calling in the Home Guard to put an end to this infighting.

One good thing is that because the cabinet minister responsible for prisons cannot be in the House of Lords, as Lord Falconer is, therefore it means that I have got rid of, at least, one pain in the arse.

Peter Riddell, political correspondent for The Times, has promised to treat anyone who spots the deliberate mistakes behind the headlines to some Thornton’s fudge.

Zero Tolerance

John Reid — Wed, 28 Feb 2007 17:09:05 +0000

Yesterday, I spent an hour doing a webchat question and answer session on the 10 Downing Street website. I quite like the idea of confiscating the mobile phones of those caught using them whilst driving, but what I would really like to see is the power introduced to ban them from using mobile phones for life. We intend to start using roadside cameras to spot those using mobile phones, in addition to more sophisticated tracking devices to hunt down these perpetrators.

I have realised that we have not gone far enough with the idea of bringing down the age limit from 21 to 17 years, in relation to the 5 year maximum jail term for carrying a firearm. Therefore, it is my intention to lower the age to 10 years and double the maximum sentence to 10 years.

I quite like the American idea of “Zero Tolerance”. I intend to introduce a minimum 20 year prison sentence for crimes such as graffiti (perhaps even extended to cover blogging), and anti-social behaviour. However, whereas the American’s are soft with their three strikes and you are out rule, which derives from the game of baseball, our national sport is cricket and you hit the wicket once and you are out. Therefore I intend to introduce “stumped”, you get one go and that’s it!

Our plans are well under way to introduce both the biometric ID card and new biometric passport. These will have your fingerprint and iris scans, and everybody’s photo will be fed into a giant data base which anyone in authority can get immediate access to. This identity management is intended to protect the individual from such crimes as identity theft, for example, in credit card frauds. We intend to use foreigners as guinea pigs in our experiment and very quickly extend it to everybody else.

Osma bin Laden’s sidekick to be deported

John Reid — Tue, 27 Feb 2007 13:12:16 +0000

There is cause for celebration in the Home Office, because the Special Immigration Appeals Commission (SIAC) threw out an appeal by the radical Muslim preacher Abu Qatada and I can deport him back to Jordan. I am particularly chuffed because it is a test that shows my anti-terror policy is working. As you all know, Abu Qatada poses a threat to our national security. The Memoranda of Understanding has been agreed with Jordan, and they have promised that they will safeguard the rights of Abu Qatada upon his return. All governments honour their promises, don’t they?

Qatada changed his name from Omar Mahoud Mohammed Otham, who we know is Osama bin Laden’s right hand man in Europe. If I could predict the future, I would say that Qatada’s plane might have to be diverted because of bad weather conditions and therefore have to land in Cuba. The CIA pilot will have radioed ahead and booked Qatada a room in the Guantanamo Bay Hotel.

Of course, Mr Justice Ouseley who reached his judgment in my favour will now be promoted to Lord Justice in recognition of his fine service to protecting the public from terrorists. It is immaterial that we were able to use evidence obtained by means of torture. As they say, no pain no gain!

BTW, the plans to split the Home Office up are going ahead and we will be starting the radical shake-up early next month.

Blogger gets 4 years imprisonment for insulting Egyptian President

John Reid — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 18:33:43 +0000

This might be a good idea to pass a law in the UK to make it a criminal offence to insult members of the Labour government, I think a sentence of 5 years would be appropriate unless the insult was directed at me then I feel the sentence should be a minimum of 10 years.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/middle_east/6385849.stm

Have you seen this man?

John Reid — Tue, 20 Feb 2007 13:39:14 +0000

Police are looking for this man who threatened a photographer with a double barrelled shotgun. He is suspected of being a war criminal. Anyone who knows his whereabouts should contact Yates of the Yard.

Prison crisis solved in one foul swoop.

John Reid — Mon, 19 Feb 2007 20:14:31 +0000

It’s official, the Home Office is to be disbanded. However, I will not be joining the dole queue as I will be the Minister for Homeland Security. I will oversee the police, the fight against terrorism and immigration. The new Minister for Justice will be responsible for prisons, probation and the courts. I wish the new Minister for Justice well as he tackles the prisons and I hope that he will ensure that enough places will be available for my intended tougher stance against asylum seekers, immigrants and terrorists.